


Big Sister and Other Stories

by sniperct



Series: Grey Pryde [4]
Category: X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Babysitting, F/F, Femslash, Romance, Yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-07 12:31:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1899120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sniperct/pseuds/sniperct
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A small collection of short and medium length drabbles about Kitty Pryde and Rachel Grey. Assorted timelines and AUs and multiple PoVs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Big Sister

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from tumblr user frostbite883: "Can you make a prompt with Rachel & Kitty taking care of Scott & Maddie's baby, Nate (before he became Cable)? And can you make it a yuri story too?"

“He’s _adorable_.” Kitty bounced the boy in her arms. Little Nate flailed his chubby hands and grabbed onto the sleeve of her sweater. She looked up, grinning at Rachel only to find her friend sitting pensively, with her arms folded. “Hey...hey we talked about this.” 

The red-head shrugged her shoulder. “I know. It’s still weird.”

“Nothing’s gonna happen! Sit.” Kitty patted the cushion besides her with her free hand.

Rachel looked at the cushion, then at Kitty. Nate was chewing on a lock of her hair and it was perhaps the most adorable thing she’d ever seen. She gave in and sat down, sliding her arm around Kitty’s waist. The other girl tensed, then leaned in against her. Rachel rested her cheek in Kitty’s hair and tried to pretend it didn’t smell wonderful. “Wasn’t there an attack the last time you were alone?”

“I’m not alone, I’ve got you and Nate!” Nate wouldn’t be useful in a fight, but Kitty knew that despite her reservations, Rachel would defend the baby with every ounce of her power. And then some. She casually slipped the baby over to Rachel’s arms, amused at the redhead’s mildly panicked look. “Look at him. He’s comfy. He knows you’re family, knows you’re safe.”

Rachel looked down at the little boy, swallowing hard. “He’s kind of a reminder that nothing is the same here. Mom and dad aren’t… going to have me. Dad doesn’t even know who I am.”

“He’s still family. _You’re_ still family.” She still thought Rachel should tell Scott who she was but that was an argument for another time.

Rachel smiled at Kitty, tearily. “I love you, you know. You’re the only thing that keeps me sane. You help me get up in the morning.”

Kitty’s skin flushed, and she ducked her head. Rachel’s hand wasn’t on her back any more and she missed that feeling like burning. She rested her hand on the other girl’s knee. “Ixnay onway ethay iway ovelay ouyay.”

Rachel liked to think that no one would care, but she wasn’t stupid. Even the X-Men weren’t completely accepting and knew Kitty was still trying to accept herself. “We’re alone. It’s just us and Nate remember, we can let down our guard.”

Kitty smiled, and then swiftly kissed Rachel on the cheek. “Yeah. I don’t think he’d tell on us anyway.” She tickled Nate’s stomach and he squealed joyfully. “Not on his big sister!”

Smiling, Rachel tossed Nate into the air, catching him with her TK and flying him around the room. He put her arm back around Kitty and played with her hair. Her brother had the right idea, Kitty’s hair was _amazing_. “Think he’ll get any powers?”

Kitty watched Nate float around. The boy was having the time of his life though she was positive his parents would freak out if they saw this. “He’s a Summers.”

Nate floated back over and Rachel settled him back into her arms. “Here’s hoping he’s as normal as Maddie.”

“Think we’d do okay as parents?”

Rachel’s eyes went as wide as saucers. “Maybe in ten years!”

“I’ll remember you said that.”

“You’re impossible.”

The brunette leaned up and kissed Rachel again, this time on the corner of her lips. She teased, “You love it.”

Nate grabbed onto some of Kitty’s hair again and resumed his chewing. The red-head smiled fondly at them. “Yeah. I guess I do.”


	2. Mistakes Were Made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another prompt from thephoenixrachelsummers. Set during X-Men volume 4, Rachel calls Kitty after making a terrible life decision in sleeping with John Sublime. Also featuring Ilyanna being a troll.

“Is this a good idea?”

“It’s not like I don’t know how to disable the alarms, and this is important.” Kitty put her hand on Ilyanna’s arm. “Thanks.”

Ilyanna nodded her head. Rachel would be a powerful ally, one that could bring some much needed backup for them. From a tactical perspective, she would be more useful with them than here at the school. Logan’s X-Men already had a lot of heavy hitters. Scott’s had...power issues. 

The blonde looked at Kitty with a sardonic expression. “We should just take her home with us. We could use her. You _want_ that.” And _her_ , Ilyanna’s eyes added.

“What _I_ want doesn’t matter. I’ll call you when I’m ready.” She stepped back as Ilyanna’s disc ported her away, then turn and phased into the Jean Grey School. It was dark and most of the staff and students were asleep, but Kitty bypassed alarms while she was on the move. 

The sound of water drew her to Rachel’s bathroom. Rachel was inside, sitting in the shower and hugging her legs. Water poured down her skin, and made her hair stick to her scalp, but Kitty was positive she’d been crying. It took every bit of will she had to not immediately rush over to her.

Rachel looked up, her eyes flashing fire. “What are _you_ doing here?!”

“You called me, remember?” Kitty tapped the side of her head, and stepped closer, trying not to rush but mostly failing. “By name. You said you needed to talk.” Pleaded, really, but Kitty knew Rachel well enough to understand she was too proud to plead.

The fire disappeared and the red-head sank back against the tile. “Oh. I didn’t think you’d hear me. Let alone answer.”

“You were already on my mind.” Kitty sat down next to Rachel, as though the water didn’t bother her. “What happened. Are you okay?”

“I did something really stupid.” Rachel pulled her arms and legs in more, closing in on herself. She shuddered when Kitty’s fingers touched her shoulder, but after a moment moved slightly into the touch. “I slept with Sublime.”

“Sublime. _John Sublime?_ The Sublime who…?” Kitty didn’t need to finish her sentence before Rachel nodded her head. She’d had no idea Rachel had been that desperate. “Wow. And I thought my low self-esteem mistake parade was pretty bad.”

“That’s one way to put it. I just needed…” Something. She’d needed something. To be acknowledged, to be _touched_ , to feel alive in a way she’d forgotten how to be. Her feelings vacillated between self-loathing and a hunger to have him touch her that way again. Mostly self-loathing. She was so depressed that she forgot to be angry at Kitty for leaving. Just the warmth of her fingers was enough to shine a little bit of light in the darkness.

Kitty could practically feel the loneliness inside Rachel. She didn’t know how she’d missed it before. She’d been so wrapped up in her own issues that she hadn’t noticed she’d been needed. Maybe Ilyana was right. 

Rachel leaned away at first, when Kitty’s arms circled her. But Kitty pulled her in, not unlike how she’d done for the younger version of Jean. “Hey. It’s okay. It’ll be okay. We all screw up.”

“What if it wasn’t a screw up? What if that’s what I deserve?”

“Bullshit. You deserve _so_ much better.” Kitty rubbed at Rachel’s back, then started to trace the marking there. Rachel’s entire body stiffened, before she sagged against Kitty. 

The gentle touches on her Phoenix mark dug up deeply buried emotions and feelings, and she couldn’t stop the tears once they started. Her breath came in short, heaving sobs. Her nails dug into Kitty’s back and shoulder. The brunette, soaked through from the shower, just rocked her, kissing the side of her face and her hair and letting the water disguise the tears on her own face.

Rachel quieted, eventually. Her breath was warm on Kitty’s neck. “You didn’t have to come. I’m supposed to be pissed at you still.” She’d _left_ her. 

“Mistakes were made,” Kitty replied, muffled by Rachel’s hair. She felt like this was her fault, but she could at least start to make things right. “Come back with me. You don’t belong here anymore than I do, and no one is gonna make you stay there if you don’t want to.”

Lifting her head, Rachel searched Kitty’s face. Looking for deception, for something to tell her this was some lie or even just a hallucination. “I don’t know if I can face them all judging me for this. But I don’t want to just run away.”

“Do I look like I’m judging you?” Jokes aside, Kitty understood exactly where Rachel was coming from. And she knew that the red-head wasn’t going to hear the end of it from the others. “And who cares if it’s running away? It’s your life, it’s your choices, good and bad. All I can do is give you that opportunity and hope you make the right decision.”

The water knob turned off, and Rachel took Kitty’s hand. She inspected her fingers. “You’re really...confident in the choice you made, aren’t you.”

“It was the right one at the time.”

“Do you promise to sit there and let me yell at you sometime for it?”

Kitty smiled. “Yes.” She couldn’t help but notice Rachel’s body as she stood, and she looked away, blushing. She was pretty sure Rachel caught her looking, too. Something else to talk about later. Or pretend hadn’t happened. Probably the latter.

Rachel folded her arms over herself, then dropped them to her sides, before holding a hand out to Kitty. She pulled the brunette to her feet. “Can I take some time to think about it?”

“It’s an open invitation.” Kitty had to force herself to talk around a suddenly constricted throat.

“Thanks, I just…” Rachel’s hand rubbed up and down her arm, and she couldn’t quite meet Kitty’s eyes. “I think I need a clearer head first. I want to make that choice for the right reasons.”

“Do it for yourself.” Kitty squeezed her arm. There was more she could say. Things she could do to sway Rachel’s decision, but that wouldn’t be fair and it wouldn’t be right. “Not for me, not for anyone else. Make the choice for yourself.” 

She smiled at her, then turned and phased through the wall, needed to get away, and needing to put some space between them. She was hoping to keep a straight face at least until she could be alone, back in her room.

 _What if it’s the wrong one?_ Rachel’s voice touched Kitty’s mind a few minutes later, as she waited for Ilyanna to take her back.

 _You won’t know until you make it._ Kitty replied back. She jumped when she felt a hand on her arm.

“Guess we’ll find out.” Rachel had a bag slung over one shoulder. She still had reservations and they were clear on her face, but she didn’t think she’d find whatever it was she needed here. 

“Are you sure about this? I thought you wanted time to think.” Kitty tried to contain her excitement. She had a yelling at coming to her but she was really okay with that.

Rachel shrugged one shoulder, and rubbed at her left eye. “I realized standing there in that room, that I didn’t want to be here any more. Maybe I’ll feel that way there, but I have to at least try.”

Ilyanna stepped off of a disc and nodded at them. “Good.” It didn’t really matter to her what Kitty felt for whom, as long as she didn’t lose the fragile thread of renewed friendship she had with the brunette. She glanced at Rachel, and smirked. “I am pretty sure that little Scott has sucked face with Laura.”

“ _He did **what**_?!”

“ _Ilyanna!_ ”

She twirled her sword, her laugh still echoing after the light from her portal faded away.


	3. What You Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same AU as chapter 2, also spurred on by the same prompter.

Kitty was sitting a little too close. And every time she leaned over to show Rachel something, her hand would brush the redhead's. She was suddenly conscious of the warmth of Kitty's body whenever she pressed close, and it was a feeling she didn't really know what to do with. Some mornings, she’d wake up with the brunette curled against her back, and others Rachel would be the big spoon. She didn’t always understand how they’d ended up like that, but she wasn’t about to complain. There was vast chasm of loneliness inside of her that Kitty somehow made better.

“Training with Jean going good?” Kitty shifted so that her hip was pressing into Rachel’s. She caught herself and shifted back the other way, and tried to hide her confusion. She knew herself, she knew the way she acted, and she was just going to put her head in the sand because there was no way this could be happening.

“Mostly. She wants to jump right into the big things but…” Rachel’s hand brushed Kitty’s this time. “But she needs to work on her shielding first. Who’s been training her?”

“I’ve been teaching her everything that’s been taught me,” Kitty admitted, lowering her head a little bit. “But I know it’s not enough. Emma’s powers are still too out of whack.”

“So that’s why you needed me?” 

“Among other things.” Kitty flashed her a grin and nudged her with an elbow. She gave herself a mental smack upside the head after realizing what that sounded like.

“What other things?” Rachel folded her arms, waiting patiently for Kitty to elaborate.

With an expression not unlike a deer caught in headlights, Kitty shrugged her shoulders and laughed. “You know. Old time things. Being roommates, chiseling earrings out of Frost…So why did you come? Besides Jean.” She moved onto her knees and leaned forward, turning the tables on Rachel.

“Somehow I think that answer is obvious.” The telepath leaned backwards, and resisted the urge to sift through Kitty’s surface thoughts. She’d never go deeper without permission, but sometimes there’d be leakage. The ache in her chest grew larger when Kitty’s loneliness strummed along their connection, like the saddest guitar note ever. The brunette darted forward on the bed and hugged her, and they toppled over. Rachel looked up through a curtain of dark hair. Her heart thudded in her ears. Or maybe that was Kitty’s.

“Ray, uhm…” Kitty being uncertain and nervous was hitting Rachel in all the right parts of her heart. 

She slid her fingers behind Kitty’s neck, tangling them in the soft hair there, but hesitated. It would be so easy, and so natural to pull her into a kiss that it shocked her. 

“Professor, may I have a…” Hank’s voice interrupted them. 

Kitty turned her head, wide-eyed at her student, still straddling Rachel. She opened her mouth to say something, but even she didn’t know if this was actually what it looked like or not. The teenager adjusted his glasses as he assessed the situation. “Oh my stars and garters. I’m terribly sorry. I’ll leave you two...it’s something that can wait.”

Rachel thunked her head against the bed as Hank darted off. “Oh my god. At least that wasn’t Bobby.”

“Don’t you dare, you’ll just summon him.” Kitty tried to sit up, but Rachel wouldn’t let her, and Kitty didn’t want to hurt her feelings by phasing out of her grip. “Ray…” There was a question in her eyes. Did they really want this, or was this just them seeking comfort in the only people they could trust? She let her head get pulled down.

A smug voice interrupted them. “You really should close the door, but that is all right, Scott owes me fifty dollars now.”

“ _Ilyanna!_ ”


	4. Memories On My Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set a bit after Uncanny X-men 537, where Kitty was killed and then resurrected in a ritual. Kitty is whole again, but all the stories that marred her skin can no longer be told.

I can still feel the knife on my throat. It shouldn't have hurt, but it had. I'm barefoot. The kids have been doing a great job turning Utopia's barren rock into fertile soil, and I'm enjoying the feel of it between my toes. The sky overhead is brilliant with stars.

_You're up there, somewhere, Ray._

Somewhere in the great dark. I used to love space, but I hate it now. Too many bad things happen up there. To me. To my friends. The mystery is gone, replaced with ... something else.

I'm alone and it's dark, so I phase out of my clothing, the fabric crumbling to the ground behind me. My body is wrong. It's too smooth. Haleena may have saved my life, but at the cost of no longer being comfortable in my own skin.

I had scars. Marks and imperfections. Memories of past battles and past loves, good things and bad things and they're all gone now. It's like I'm starting over. I don't like how it feels. There was a knife cut on my hip, a puckered bit of skin where I'd once been stabbed, a burn mark on my side.

My fingers find each place on instinct, and it helps me relive each and every memory. But it's faint and distant, faded away in the past and without the roughness for my fingers to find, I can't sharpen the memory.

I bring my hand to my neck, rubbing a spot long faded and closing my eyes. I should think of Pete right now. I should let him hold me, caress me, and I'll do that later because i'm desperate. But too many questions are still fresh in my mind and I spent too long screaming and crying in the silence between stars to ignore that things are so different now. I've had time to think. So much time to think. And I'm thinking of Rachel.

_Your teeth sink into my neck. My pulse is racing, but it feels like our hearts are pounding against each other. Everything is so foggy, your hand burns a trail across my skin, I turn my face so that I can taste your lips. You mouth something, my name I think, before I suck your lip into my mouth and nibble. I like the way your body jerks into mine. The scars my fingers find tell the stories you've only ever shared with me._

I catch my hand halfway down my stomach and breath shakily. We'd stopped. Too confused and drunk and turned on to think straight, but we'd stopped, and we'd never finished what we'd started. We never had the chance to and it became one of those things we just didn't talk about. Even late at night when I crawled into her bed because Rachel's warmth was the only thing that let me sleep.

The chill finally gets to me and I dress before I'm caught. I can't explain why I'd needed the air on my skin, except that I needed something to remind me that I'm alive. I'd thought, briefly, about putting my old scars back. But I'd rather make new scars. New memories from friends and enemies. And maybe some day, Rachel could learn the stories behind those.


	5. Cake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set not long before Battle of the Atom. Kitty decides to cheer Rachel up on her birthday.

Why did I think this was a good idea, again? Somehow, you’d think that I’d have learned from the last time I’d tried something like this, but Ray’s been so down lately that I just have to do something nice for her. That’s how I find myself standing in front of the mess that used to be our oven.

I don’t actually think I’ll be able to finish the cake at this rate, but I’ve faced supervillains, so I can do this. I roll up my sleeves, clean up the mess, and start over.

“The fuck you doin’?”

I glance up as Logan reaches into the fridge for a beer, then return my concentration my batter. “Baking.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s someone’s birthday.” Damn it. I can’t do this with someone watching. I’m gonna mess up. I shoot him a glare, but the old bastard just smirks at me.

“Ain’t mine.” He practically drawls the words out, and I get the impression he’s baiting me. The little troll.

“Yeah well you’d get a store bought cake because you’re a jerk.” I point my spoon at him, sending batter splattering all over his face and chest. The expression on his face makes my day. I flick the spoon at him again. “Go be school marmy or something.”

Logan flicks the batter off of his chest, then tastes it. He tilts his head and nods. “Not bad. If you can get it to rise you might actually have somethin’ here.”

“Out!” 

He leaves me in peace. Well, as peaceful as I can be with my cursing the bowl, the batter and the spoon every time I make a mistake. I finally get it in the oven at three and this time, I think, it’s actually going to look like a cake.

I spend the next hour and a half herding kids out and away, growing more and more antsy the later it gets. I’m putting the last scrambling touches on the frosting by the time the sun starts to set, and I stand back to look at my handwork. “I may not actually poison her.”

Her being Rachel, of course. I don’t think anyone remembers her birthday but me. Last year I’d spentit wishing she was back on earth to celebrate.

I just had to make it to her room without someone smashing the cake. Twice I phase, and once I smack Bobby’s hand. He’s a lovable idiot. My loveable idiot, though if I were honest with myself I’m not sure it’ll last if he doesn’t mature. 

I push that thought firmly out of my head by the time I reach Ray’s room, and phase my head in. “Hey Red, you got a second?”

She’s sitting on her bed, in her uniform like usual. It’s actually a pretty smart idea, but the thought makes me feel more like a soldier ready for combat than anything else. Which she kind of is. Except she sniffles, and wipes her eyes, like she’s trying to hide the fact she’s been crying.

“Oh…” I come in completely, putting my hand on her shoulder as I set the cake on her desk. “What’s wrong?” She pulls me down next to her, and leans her shoulder against mine. She lifts up a card.

“Dad...somehow. He remembered.” Her voice cracks, and she gestures helplessly towards the cake. “And you...did you bake that?”

“Yeah. Spent all day in the kitchen. That’s Birthday Cake Mark III, you don’t want to know what happened to Marks one and two.”

That made her crack a smile. I pluck the card out of her hand and set it aside. “Lets eat. The cake is all for you, but I want to taste it to make sure I don’t accidentally kill you.” I can worry about how Scott managed to sneak a card in undetected (Ilyanna, probably) later. Ray is clearly conflicted and that’s more important right now.

“Let me.” Rachel floats the cake over, slicing it with her TK. I’ve brought plates and she uses those. “On three, we’ll eat it together.”

“We’ll both die of poison and it’ll be poetic.”

“Exactly.” She’s smiling, and when she’s really smiling it’s one of the most beautiful smiles I’ve ever seen. “Want something to drink?”

“Got milk?”

“Just Jack.” Ray produces a bottle from somewhere and waggles it. It’s suspiciously half-full, but my mind flashes back to the last time we’d drunk together.

I bring my hand to my neck, my body flushing hotly. “I think I’ll pass.” 

She looks at my like I’ve kicked her favorite puppy, and I take the bottle from her hand. The touch of our skin is distractingly electric, all of a sudden. While I’m doing that, Rachel smushes a piece of cake right into my face. 

She smirks at me, then wipes some chocolate off of my nose and sucks it off of her finger, silencing my protest before it can leave my throat.

Before she can sense my thoughts, I’m smushing a piece of cake into _her_ face. We both dissolve into laughter, and the tension in the air breaks. We actually _eat_ some of the cake, and it’s not bad!

There’s still a bit of chocolate on her cheek as she tucks some of my hair behind my ear. “You should stay in here tonight. We can watch those walking movies you love so much.”

“The Lord of the Rings,” I correct her. This time she’s the one sucking in a breath, when I lick the chocolate off of her cheek. Don’t ask me, I don’t even know what I’m doing. But as long as Bobby is in the picture, I can’t just...

Ray looks at me, as if she understands, then she wraps her arms around my shoulders and buries her face in my chest. Muffled, she mutters, “Thanks. For remembering.”

As if I could ever forget her. We lay like that for awhile, until my back starts to protest. I get the movie ready, then curl up with her in bed. By the time the Hobbits get taken to Isengard, Rachel’s fallen asleep with her head in my lap. From the lines on her face and the circles under her eyes, it’s obvious she hasn’t been sleeping well.

I know it’s her birthday, but I make a birthday wish for her. I wish for her to get a break. I wish for all of us to get a break. A little bit of normal, is that too much to ask for?


	6. Second Chances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anon prompt: “Look at me - just breathe okay?”
> 
> Setting: Basically Movieverse but alternate timeline… to the alternate timeline. Kinda set before X2. Kitty is 16-17 here.

There’s a sudden flash of fire. It surrounds me and washes over me, but it doesn’t burn, not the way it should. I lower my arm, opening my eyes enough to see a dark figure at the epicenter. Her arms are outstretched as the fire fades, and then she starts to topple forward. I jump forward to catch her.

“Look at me - just breathe okay?” I slide to the ground, still holding her. I don’t think she’s much older than I am. Her hair is the same color that Jean’s is, but a lot shorter. Her jaw is wider, too, but there’s something in her emerald eyes that’s unmistakably Jean when she looks at me.

“Kate..?” The way she says it puts a shiver down my spine. She lifts her hand up to touch my face. “Oh god you’re really alive. You’re really her.”

“Easy there. You’re really out of it. I’m … Kate I guess. Everyone just calls me Kitty.” I take her hand, squeezing it. The way she’s talking makes it seem like we’re really close. Even if I’ve never seen her in my life. She tries to push herself up, but I stop her.

She just looks at me with this mixture of … relief and fear. “I don’t… you shouldn’t be here. What year is it? We have to save Senator Kelly.”

Now she’s talking gibberish. “...Senator Kelly has been dead for a couple years now. Magneto killed him with his mutation device. It’s...wait why are you asking what year it is. Are you a terminator? Because if you’re a terminator we’re gonna have problems.”

“Shit.” I feel her tense up, and then relax. “Not gonna panic. I’m here to stop something bad but I think I missed it!”

I let her sit up, and she leans against me. “Okay Red, what are you talking about?”

She looks at me, worrying at her lip between her teeth before speaking. “It starts with Mutant Registration Laws. Then martial law, concentration camps. Sentinels, these big robots used to enforce order. Only they turn on everyone. Damn it. Here.”

Her eyes glow. There are markings on her cheeks I hadn’t noticed before and the next thing I see is everything she says, played out in images, one after the other, overlapping each other in places. I know who she is, I know who her parents are and I even see the way she looks at me. And Jean, oh my god what happens to Jean. And the… _monster_ they turn this girl into against her will. Sometime during all of this I find myself hugging her.

A lot of it matches, but a lot of it doesn’t because she should already be born. Unless Scott and Jean are hiding a ten year old somewhere. Which … isn’t out of the realm of possibility, honestly. 

I watch myself die and this _anguish_ that isn’t mine floods through me just before the connection breaks. “Holy shit!”

I’m crying, but they’re not my tears, they’re hers. She wipes them off of my cheeks. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t mean for you to see that.” 

“I think we can still stop it.” I tighten my arms around her.

That stops her, and her hand stills on my face. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that there’s still a chance. And it starts with saving your mom.”

She beams. I could get used to her smiling at me like that. I’ve just seen enough to know it’s a rare treasure.


	7. Pieces of the Puzzle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They have the kind of physical relationship where they pretend there aren't any feelings. They need to get closer and closer, until skin isn't close enough and they can't pretend any longer.

Rachel smells like comfort. That’s the only word that really comes to mind. _Comfort_. She’s comfortable, she’s warm, she’s all the things I’ve missed about intimacy and none of the complicated emotional bullshit.

Which is a complete lie. My emotions for her are complicated. It’s just that it doesn’t get in the way. She’s still Rachel, she’s still my soulmate and my best friend.

Her hair’s so soft. I nuzzle my noze into it, hugging her frome behind. Her _skin_ is soft. Even under the fabric of her t-shirt it’s soft. I catch myself as my fingers slide under it. Cool it Pryde. Cool it. Yeah. Complicated emotional bullshit.

I roll onto my back, then shift so I'm facing away from her. I'm usually the big spoon. We fit together so well like that. Like two puzzle pieces that belong to the same puzzle. Even in the rest of our lives outside this room, I've always caught her in my arms when she falls. I've comforted her and held her through some of her worse moments. Last night she'd broken down in my arms.

I'm good at that. Good at holding people together. I just kind of wish I could hold myself together. I kind of wish that Ray could've been there to pull me back together when I needed it. I know I missed some bad things for her, too. Like fate conspires to pull us apart when we need each other the most.

Rachel moves, pushing in behind me and wrapping her arm around my waist. Her fingers lock together with mine and I snuggle into her. She murmurs something into my hair. I don't catch what it is (I do but I can't let myself think about that). She's warm and comforting, and my cheeks sting. I feel her lips brush my neck. When I start crying, _really_ crying, her arm tightens around me. She pulls me against her, turns me until we're facing each other. Big spoon, little spoon, spoons tucked together face to face, it doesn't matter. We still fit. We've always fit.

I can't get close enough to her. Even with no space between us she's too far away. I lift my head up. Her eyes are open, but she doesn't say anything. Rachel leans in and kisses the tears on my face. I turn my head just a little to the left, and she says my name like it's a question. Then I'm kissing her, and she's kissing back. She's still not close enough. Even when I phase our pajamas off and they land in a heap on the floor. We're skin to skin and there's so much heat I'm burning up and she's not _close_ enough.

Her mind knocks against mine, like she's asking permission to enter. I can barely think straight with our hands roaming like this, but if I let her in, she'll be close enough. She's never done that before, not like this. Not when we're feverish and hungry and pretending that it's just a physical release. It's too intimate a thing. But we can't pretend any more. Not when I let her in. It's more than sex now (it always was but we can't hide that now, not from each other). And oh my god, oh my _god_ her dad's telepath fixation makes so much more sense now. It's like I'm filled with her emotions, her feelings bleeding into my own. Every time I touch her I feel it as though I _am_ her. And when she touches me, she feels that too. This constant feedback of emotions and pleasure flooding between us and I don't know who's crying anymore.

It's not even weird. There is so much open to me now. Thoughts and fears and Rachel's gaping loneliness. The harder I kiss her the more it's like a salve on her heart. The more I open my mind and show her my own fears and loneliness and that bitterness I keep so buried, the better I feel. We don't need to say it. But I do. Or she does. Or we both do, the sound echoing in the room with our moans and whimpers, the words echoing in our heads and sinking deep into our hearts. I'm Rachel, and Rachel is Kitty, and we can't go back to who we were when we were apart.


End file.
